Dear Sam Berns,
My brother’s name is Sam.
Right now I want to remember your name forever.
Keep it under my tongue at all times. Keep it close to me.
Keep you close to me.
You have made me feel an abundance of feelings today
and I emerged.
My tears had washed away whatever layer was keeping me
from feeling everything that was inside me.
I could only call it anguish.
And it was intense joy and it was deep deep sorrow and
the beauty of my full humanity reflected, like a mirror,
in your full humanity.
You saved me today.
Your words.
Your wisdom.
Your youth.
Your voice.
Oh, hearing your voice made me know exactly what it means to be human.
There are superfluous things that we like to tie to the core of being human.
Say you can’t be human without this or that. And we are wrong.
So wrong. Through your voice, filling the space, confident. Sure.
All the lies fell away and what was left was the truth about humanity.
And the joy is just as sharp as the sadness and it can all make you bleed.
And you still feel it all. And you bring me back to myself. And you bring me back to you. And I have never known your name before today.
And I am sure that someday I might forget again.
Like you already knew there is a life to be lived that is mine and mine alone.
So I will not apologize for living.
For moving forward.
I will not minimize the meaning of your life by doing that. Or your death.
I will not sweep it under the rug. Or whisper it with shame.
You are human, unapologetically and fully.
I can only speak for myself but you are alive in me.
And think of the others.
So many I will never meet whose lips will carry your name and
who will be made to feel it all because of you.
And I cry because its beautiful.
And I cry because I find myself feeling pity for you.
And you ask me, please, not to.
So I adjust and I ask myself why did I think
that you needed my pity in the first place.
And you make me better.
And you are the face of everything that is true.
And you are the hero of my day, Sam.
Years after you have left this physical earth. May we be shameless and proud.
Touched by your life
a hand stretched outward.
Fingertips grazed.
Sam, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
My brother’s name is Sam.
Respectfully,
AMV