but if someone were to ask
what I might call this chapter of my life
I would say
The Great Unravelling
its like this
let's say that I was handed this beautiful ball of yarn
the moment I was born
and you would think that a baby would unroll a ball of yarn or get it all tangled up
but not me
not this ball of yarn
for whatever reason I became so memorized by the colors
the texture
I simply stared at it
in awe
and awe is a wonderful thing to experience
it sat on my shelf
I grew and grew
and the ball of yarn remained
just a beautiful as ever
if a little faded in some places
and the ball of yarn remained
and I never questioned a thing
until I did
and maybe it was an accident how the ball of yarn got knocked off the shelf
and maybe I picked it up and started the unravelling myself
either way
here we are
here I am
with handfuls of yarn
unraveled in my lap
tears in my eyes
I couldn't accept the ball of yarn
as it was anymore
I had to know what was inside
how every twist and turn
wove together to create this ball of yarn
I had never known
nothing about the ball of yarn ever changed
it was me
something in me changed
and I needed to know.
and that is how I feel about my life right now.
Like I was handed all these things about myself and about life
and I didn't question them
I carried them and obeyed like the good little girl I tried
so desperately hard to be
but I can't keep carrying all these things around anymore
not without learning more
not without unravelling
and its a scary place to be
because there is no way to put the ball of yarn back the way it was
you can't un-know something once you know it
but I want to know it
and I want to weave the yarn into something beautiful
something I made myself
for myself
a sweater, perhaps.
AMV